I’ve been putting off writing a tribute to 2013 partially because I have jobs that keep me busy, and partially because I’ve been confused throughout the months as to what year it was. Britney Spears started a tour, I saw a kid with a comb in his afro, and I bought a D.A.R.E t-shirt and neon shorts at our present-day mall. I’ve spent at least the past six months looking for my DeLorean because I’ve obviously managed to go back in time. 1993, anyone?!
But, since I’ve been reassured that it is actually 2013 and that I am sadly now an adult, I suppose I should fill you in on the things I learned throughout the past twelve months.
- If a relationship seems too good to be true, it probably is. Nothing is perfect, and let’s face it ladies…when do we get THAT lucky? Hopefully just once. This year wasn’t it.
- Current teenagers will not understand my references to DeLoreans and Dan Fogelberg. I know this because every time my sisters and I would yell out “We’ve done it! We’ve gone back in time! What year is it?! Where’d you park the DeLorean?” teenagers stared at us like we were the crazy ones. For real?! Girl, you got a scrunchie in your hair twenty years too late!
- If you decide to start a business, just go around and tell people you know what you’re doing. Sooner or later, they’ll believe it. And guess what…you will too! I managed to get myself complete strangers as clients AND a new briefcase! Look at this girl growing up!
- Playing the Hallelujah Chorus on piano for an entire choir every Easter will never get less nerve-wrecking. So. Many. Notes.
- Re-embrace skinny jeans. Not jeggings. I’m not going that crazy. But, hey, if I wear a long enough shirt my thighs don’t look like they belong to a dinosaur.
- DO NOT RE-EMBRACE STIR-UP PANTS. They are so not fetch, so stop trying to make them happen!
- Perms have come a long way since the 70s/80s/90s. I’m not ashamed.
- There will always be someone who doesn’t like you. Actually, there will always be at least 4 people who don’t like you.
- I should start spending my birthdays at home. My big birthday bashes are always complete failures. I end up in a bad mood with the club owner texting me that my friend never paid his tab. Happy freakin’ birthday to me.
- The Snow-pocalypse 2013 was nothing compared to Snow-maggadeon 2014. Oh Indiana weather, how you never change….
And FYI, if you also do not get the references to a DeLorean and Dan Fogelberg, you’re probably too young to be reading this blog.