A Toast to Dan Fogelberg.

I’ve been putting off writing a tribute to 2013 partially because I have jobs that keep me busy, and partially because I’ve been confused throughout the months as to what year it was. Britney Spears started a tour, I saw a kid with a comb in his afro, and I bought a D.A.R.E t-shirt and neon shorts at our present-day mall. I’ve spent at least the past six months looking for my DeLorean because I’ve obviously managed to go back in time. 1993, anyone?!

But, since I’ve been reassured that it is actually 2013 and that I am sadly now an adult, I suppose I should fill you in on the things I learned throughout the past twelve months.

  1. If a relationship seems too good to be true, it probably is. Nothing is perfect, and let’s face it ladies…when do we get THAT lucky? Hopefully just once. This year wasn’t it.
  2. Current teenagers will not understand my references to DeLoreans and Dan Fogelberg. I know this because every time my sisters and I would yell out “We’ve done it! We’ve gone back in time! What year is it?! Where’d you park the DeLorean?” teenagers stared at us like we were the crazy ones. For real?! Girl, you got a scrunchie in your hair twenty years too late!
  3. If you decide to start a business, just go around and tell people you know what you’re doing. Sooner or later, they’ll believe it. And guess what…you will too! I managed to get myself complete strangers as clients AND a new briefcase! Look at this girl growing up!
  4. Playing the Hallelujah Chorus on piano for an entire choir every Easter will never get less nerve-wrecking. So. Many. Notes.
  5. Re-embrace skinny jeans. Not jeggings. I’m not going that crazy. But, hey, if I wear a long enough shirt my thighs don’t look like they belong to a dinosaur.
  6. DO NOT RE-EMBRACE STIR-UP PANTS. They are so not fetch, so stop trying to make them happen!
  7. Perms have come a long way since the 70s/80s/90s. I’m not ashamed.
  8. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you. Actually, there will always be at least 4 people who don’t like you.
  9. I should start spending my birthdays at home. My big birthday bashes are always complete failures. I end up in a bad mood with the club owner texting me that my friend never paid his tab. Happy freakin’ birthday to me.
  10. The Snow-pocalypse 2013 was nothing compared to Snow-maggadeon 2014. Oh Indiana weather, how you never change….

And FYI, if you also do not get the references to a DeLorean and Dan Fogelberg, you’re probably too young to be reading this blog.

You’re welcome.

Where’d My Blog Go?

For those of you who read faithfully, I wanted to explain my recent leave of absence. While part of it has been typical work and busy-ness related, the other part was a great opportunity that came up.

My last blog, The Husband List, was a huge hit. Like, I had no idea how big it really was. It managed to reach hundreds of people all around the world (14 countries actually!). And out of those hundreds of people, one of them was the author of the original Husband List that mine was based on. Come to find out that she is the founder and editor of her own site, She Is More. It’s a site of different blogs and devotions for women who are looking to put a little Christ back in their lives. There are fabulous articles and wonderful prayers so I highly recommend visiting it. Anywho, she was looking for contributors and I was looking for a change in direction so I have been writing for the lovely Kristen Dalton lately. I’m not done on this blog, since obviously my movie-blog-series wasn’t really devotional material, but I will not be posting quite as much hopefully.

www.sheismore.com

I’m extremely excited to be taking a turn down a new road and discovering more about my own relationship with God while hopefully helping others with theirs. Please visit the site and check out everything that it has to offer. Whether you’re strong or struggling in your relationship with Christ there is something on it that will touch your heart.

Blog to you soon!

The Husband List

 

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Lately I’ve been hearing those words too often: “You’re too picky.” I hate that. As a single girl who watches people get married for a living, I truly think that is the dumbest statement someone can ever make. Too picky? How can a girl be too picky about the man they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with? Then I read these two blogs below:

http://sheismore.com/the-husband-list-12-non-negotiables/

http://goodguyswag.com/the-wife-list-10-qualities/

This man and this woman have got the right ideas going on. I don’t consider them picky at all. I consider them smart. I encourage every person to make THE list. What are the qualities you couldn’t bear to live without in your future husband/wife? Make the list. State what is most important. And finally, stick to your guns. This isn’t being picky. This is being the smart person God intended you to be.

My list? Well, here we go:

1. He must be a God-fearing man. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince my husband that God exists and is in control. While sometimes I struggle with God’s timing, I want to wait to be with someone that will not only recognize my struggles, but help me through them with the faith that I grew up on. And I expect to do the same for him. I have no expectations of perfection, but I want him to believe when he fails and falls, I’ll do my best to show him God’s love. Isn’t that what marriage is about?

2. He must be a grown-up. I refuse to raise a man. I can’t wait to raise my future children and raise a family, but I will not raise a man. I want someone with the maturity to settle down, but the little bit of immaturity to still dress up on Halloween and dance around the kitchen to horrible (by horrible I mean awesome) 90s music. I want a man that will do everything in his ability to take care of us. Not just me. US.

3. He’s flexible. I’m fully aware that this goes for me as well. Flexibility is extremely important in a marriage because you’re blending two lives. Not taking one life and making it into another. You’re blending. This means we have to pick our battles. For instance, I won’t change where I go to church. I’m extremely active there and we’re a small community, so those people are my family. I will, however, bend on what we name our children. Even though I planned out names in, like, fifth grade, I could bend. If it’s important to him, it’s important to me.

4. He has to be brave. Brave in his beliefs. Brave in his adventures. And brave in the ability to love. I hate hearing men say “I can’t love anymore. I’ve been too hurt. She crushed me.” You know what?! Girls get crushed, too! We have probably been through more breakups than any of those men, but we keep getting back on that horse and trying again. Be brave to love someone else. If it hurts, it hurts. If it doesn’t, you just found something wonderful. When you find something wonderful, you also find the ability to be brave.

5. He wants to work. This applies in two ways: Work for a living to support a family AND work to keep our love strong. A work ethic is extremely important to me because I believe God will bless those who work for His name’s sake. It’s in the Bible, so I believe it. But when the work day is done, it’s done. He has to be willing to work at our relationship. Make time to sit and watch a movie once in a while. Put the laptop away just to have a conversation. Leave the paperwork on the desk and go for a drive with me. I want to make time to be with him, so I want him to want to be with me. No girl ever wants to feel like a burden, and I sure don’t want to be married to someone who treats me like one. Work for a living and work for us. Simple.

6. He has to have fun. Not in the “Let’s go get some beers and do something stupid” way that many men seem to think. I want a man who can find fun in the little things. Get on the dance floor at a wedding reception and dance with a child. Try something impossible, like catching that insanely huge grass carp I’ve been eyeing for two years now… Fun is like beauty: It’s in the eye of the beholder. Find fun everywhere.

Notice my list is half the size of the other blogs. This is why I can’t stand when people tell me I’m too picky. I have standards that I believe are important, but there are so many things I am willing to work on with my future husband. I want to grow with him in every aspect. Yes, I do want to find a man with these aspects that I’m attracted to, but I completely believe these characteristics will make him attractive to me. I hope he’s out there. I’d like to believe he’s out there. But wherever he is, he should know right now that I won’t lower my standards.

Can’t Hardly Wait: I literally can’t hardly wait.

can't hardly wait

Some might think, “Hey, she’s gotta run out of movies to talk about at some point!” Wrongo. I’m so insanely addicted to movies and television it’s not even funny. This series could go on for, like, ever.

Now, this next movie that so heavily influenced my lack-there-of love life is one that anyone born after 1995 probably has never heard of. That makes me extremely sad because I’ve referenced it to the check-out girl at Forever 21 and she didn’t get it. Like, at all. However, Can’t Hardly Wait is probably the greatest teen movie ever made. Don’t fight me on this. I won’t listen to your side at all.

There are so many different story lines going on in this movie, so I thought I’d break it down by couple and how each relationship ruined my life.

Relationship 1: Kenny & Denise

Kenny is a total loser trying to get laid. Denise is a know-it-all who I honestly thought was a lesbian. But somehow, by a crazy twist of fate, they get locked in a bathroom together with no way out. During their arguing about how much they’ve always hated each other they end up making out. Then they end up doin’ it on the floor of the poor “girl whose party it is” bathroom. (she’s actually labeled like that on IMDB. I can’t make this stuff up.) Afterwards they continue to break-up, then make-up, then break-up, then make-up, etc. What did I take away from this non-relationship/relationship? I thought it meant that you should always give the loser a chance because, hey, he could turn out to be a really awesome guy and maybe a good kisser! Oh 1998, how you lied to me!! I’ve given the losers multiple chances. They’re just losers. No offense.

kenny and denise

Relationship 2: The Angel Stripper & Scott Baio

“Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it’s up to you to make it happen.”

Smartest Angel Stripper ever. She was so in love with Scott Baio, she made it to the point where she was literally breathing his oxygen, and BAM. She froze. You can’t freeze in life. If you’re going to do something, just do it. To quote another epic movie “If you love someone you say it!”

angel

Relationship 3: Mike & Amanda

Some men never change. Mike thought he was too good for Amanda, so he dumped her. When he came crawling back he never expected her to turn him down. I learned from Amanda that it’s okay to have standards! Stick to those standards and be picky because you may be stuck with that same man for the rest of your life. Why settle for the jock who peaked in high school? Instead, you could totally be in bed by 9:00pm with an electric blanket! I believe the correct choice is clear.

mike

Relationship 4: Preston & Amanda

Preston was so in love with her. I mean, this quote alone says it.

” It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I’d ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would’ve seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I’m sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart – the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?”

See what I mean?! He’s totally precious! He thought he couldn’t possibly be good enough for her, but how was he to know he was just what she needed? And then after he leaves for college, she writes him a letter every single day. ’90s perfection. I learned two important lessons from their love story: First, never put yourself down and think that someone is too good to be with you. Someone somewhere is going to be the luckiest person on earth to be with you. Secondly, don’t ignore the ones waiting in the wings. He waited so long for her and she never even notices. Really? Jennifer Love-Hewitt, you gotta open your eyes, girl!

“I mean, why would Amanda Beckett pay any attention to a unique spirit like Preston, or even a unique spirit like me? Maybe it’s because she’s a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of sheep. SHEEP! You are all sheep. Baah!”

preston and amanda

Relationship 5: Vicki and The Yearbook

“These are memories frozen in time, people!!!!!”

Somewhere, most likely at a diner the morning after a crazy party, it is possible to find your soul mate. A soul mate who is also obsessed with yearbooks. Good for you, Melissa Joan Hart. Good for you.

yearbook

Relationship 6: William and Mike

“The beer is bad! Do not drink the beer!!!!”

Don’t trust idiots. And don’t drink and attempt crowd surfing.

william

You’re welcome.

Good Luck Chuck: Let’s Take a Look at the Past

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As I sit here under my electric blanket after a full day of wearing donkey ears, making plans to staple an apron together due to my lack of sewing skills, rubbing down a piano three times with Lysol, and napping, I can’t help but wonder why I’m alone. Oh, wait…

Have you ever seen Good Luck Chuck?  (Side note: I literally JUST figured out the whole play on words there…Good Luck CHUCK, Good Luck CHARM…how did I miss that all this time?!) This movie is kind of my life. Not really though. I mean, I’m not skanking it up around town helping men find their future wives. That would be weird, and I’d probably be able to charge big bucks for it. Unless that counts as prostitution…I’m not really sure how that works. I’d at least make them buy me presents or something in exchange, but I digress.

If you haven’t seen Good Luck Chuck, let me give you the run-down without giving away the good parts. It’s pretty typical romance movie stuff. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy sleeps with girl. Girl falls in love with the next man she meets. Girl lives happily ever after with said ‘next man.’ Wait, what!?!  Yeah, see that’s the crazy part. Any girl that sleeps with Chuck literally marries the next man she meets.

Now, like I said, I haven’t been skanking it up around town.  In my case, I so much as look at them, say hello to them, think “Oh, he’s cute,” or add him on Facebook, and BOOM! He’s suddenly married to a super model. Or gay. That’s the weird twist in my story. Every guy I’ve ever thought about in any kind of romantic way has either managed to find love and get married or has come out of the closet. Is it a talent? Heck, I don’t know, but you’d think any guy ready to settle down would be jumping in front of me yelling, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!” I’d think, “Oh, he’s cute,” and he’d be happily renting a tux at the shop a week later. That’s the even funnier part. Being in the wedding business, I have literally been hired by unknowing brides to work at the wedding of an ex. Chuck was so luck to not have to do that. Worst. Thing. Ever. But by-golly I’m a professional!!!

Let’s take a look back at some from the past to prove my point:

(For the safety of myself and others, these names have been changed.)

Let’s call him Alex: Joined the circus. Based on my opinion and McKenzie’s (shout out time…woot woot!), he’s gay.

Let’s call him John: Married to the girl he ditched me to go on a date with. I actually was a part of their wedding. Awkward.

Let’s call him Jacob: Wedding date. Danced with my aunt, but not me. Now is happily out of the closet.

Let’s call him Jingleheimerschmidt: See what I did there? Major crush for like, three years. Happily out of the closet.

Let’s call him Pablo: Transferred schools because he was so incredibly hot. Married to a super model.

Let’s call him Gus: First guy I saw on campus that I thought was actually decent looking. Married with a baby on the way.

Let’s call him Creepy Online Date Guy: Married the next girl that looked at him twice. Hopefully she’s still alive.

Let’s call him The Set Up: He was ok. Not overly my type, but I gave him a chance. He has now found “the one” and announces it on Facebook frequently. Bite me.

Let’s call him D***** From the Fair: Still alone. HA!! Loser. Ain’t none of my magic workin’ on you!!

Let’s call him Ethan: Hasn’t dated anyone since McKenzie (shout out twice in a row girl!) and I were ready to like, punch it out for him years ago. I’m guessing just not out of the closet yet, based on our last visit.

I think that’s enough examples because honestly, I’m depressing myself. How about someone finds me a man that is ready to settle down with a nice, tall, blonde. I’m ready and willing, boys. And don’t take that the wrong way, pervs.

You’re welcome.

My Best Friend’s Wedding: Where to Begin…

Blog Two.

julia

While The Wedding Planner obviously made some major decisions for me in life, My Best Friend’s Wedding explained to me where I’ve gone wrong. I’ve always loved the movie, but it wasn’t until I got older that I really understood it. And started to cry every time I watched it. Every. Time.

Obviously Dermot Mulroney’s pure beauty makes one shed a tear. I mean, for real. Did you SEE that half smile? Could he BE anymore amazing? (FYI, those last two sentences should have been read in the style of Chandler Bing. If you didn’t catch that, you should probably go back and reread.) But even his gorgeous, hunky hunk features aside, this movie is one of the best. Why? Because my darlings, there is no happy ending. It’s so true to life. I have lived this movie. Well, minus stealing a delivery truck while What the World Need Now is Love plays in the background. However, I’d totally love to have that scene happen in my life.

So of course, there was this boy…. (total girly mode right now, twirling my hair and everything.) I don’t really have to worry about him reading this because he A. Already knows all this, so no secrets there; and B. Doesn’t really like to read things. The first sentence alone and he probably lost interest because it’s girly. But he was pretty awesome, well still is. Thus, we were super close. I definitely told him everything going on in my life and trusted him like a complete BFF. Except, I kinda wanted him to be my BF. Well, years went by and I let it lie because it was easier of course to just leave things the way they were. Then I found out he was in to me too! Imagine my spastic teen-self squealing in front of my MySpace when we finally made it official. (The story as to how I found out is going to be left out here. I can keep some things to myself, right?) So we had a great, wonderful, totally happy….week. Then I went all spastic again. I pulled the Julia Roberts thing and freaked out that it would ruin our friendship and we couldn’t possibly be right for each other. Dumb move. So instead of a goodbye kiss like Jules and Michael had, he handed me a goodbye-half-eaten-box-of-chocolates. Romance was killer in high school. We’ve stayed friends through all of it, but I have always known that I was a total idiot. However, unlike Jules, I did not have a super fun gay best friend to dance me through it all. Lesson number one from this movie: Have someone who is willing to take control of you after you try to avenge a stupid mistake.

Lesson number two: “I Just Don’t Know What to Do With Myself” is the answer to everything.

Sitting on the couch: I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Laying in bed: Don’t know just what to do with myself.

After a breakup: I’m so used to dooooing everything with you

Doing some wedding planning work: Plaaaanning everything for two

Sunday night sob fest: And now that we’re through, I just don’t know what to do with my time

Watching Gone With the Wind: I’m so lonesome for you it’s a crime

Planning a weekend outing: Going to a mooooovie only makes me sad

You get the picture. And yes, you can ask my family. I really do sing these lines at random occasions like those listed above. I have issues.

Lesson number three: The Way You Look Tonight (slow version) is the perfect wedding song and WILL BE my wedding song. I’d also really like a man to sing it to me while dancing on a boat, singing it in my ear. I bawl like a baby every time. And Jules’ single tear? Pure perfection.

Lesson number three and a half: Always include Do You Know the Way to San Jose and I Say a Little Prayer in rehearsal dinners. ALWAYS. Lobster claws are not optional.

Lesson number four: Never go to a wedding dateless. George was her saving grace. Can you imagine dancing with all those pre-pubescent boys that were there? No, thank you.

Which leads me to my final lesson I learned from this movie. It is partially my last because it is so true, and partially my last because I’m doped up on cold medicine and about to fall asleep.

Lesson number five: “Annie’s Song” by John Denver is only acceptable when sung in four part harmony, a cappella, and on helium.

You’re welcome.

jello

The Wedding Planner: The One That Started it All

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As you know from reading my first blog, which I know you’ve all done because it’s addicting, I am a wedding planner. So, of course in this series of blogs to come it only seemed fitting to start with the movie that completely shaped my life. Jenny from the Block completely changed the course of  my life. How many people can say that?

I remember it all very well looking back, it was the summer I turned eighteen…oh wait, wrong story. I do remember it well though. Health class, seventh grade. The Wedding Planner had been out for a few years already and of course, I was madly in love with Matthew McConaughey. But I remember that specific health class so well because I was sitting next to my still-to-this-day best friend Emily and we were sketching wedding dresses. (She’s a crazy good artist so of course mine looked like a child had drawn them, but in my defense, I was a child.) We obviously weren’t the best students in health. Anyway, that was the day we decided we were going to be wedding planners. She could design dresses, I could provide music, and we would totally shake up the wedding industry! And guess what….we both did! After all those years we both stuck to it and got certified as wedding planners and are working our way out of the gutter as we speak. This movie gave me so many false hopes, though.

First off, there is no adorable foreign man that will make me macaroni and cheese and propose to me with the sweetest little doll house in the entire world.  I went to a college full of foreigners…not gonna happen. Also, I cannot digest dairy, so the mac and cheese is out even in my single life.

Secondly, no man will ever say that some other girl is a “poor-man’s Lauren.” Guys don’t speak like that. They never know the right thing to say at the right moment, so I live my single life being a poor-man’s Wendy.

Thirdly, you can roast marshmallows over candles. This is one thing from that movie that really pulled through for me. Bonfire? Psh…too much time. Light a candle and put that puppy on a fork. Roasts just fine. Thank you, Mary, for the excellent cooking tip.

No man will ever come up to me when I’m alone at a park and agree to dance. It’s weird these days. However, it was undeniably sweet and perfect. Especially with the classic movie playing in the background. (Side note: Emily and I now have matching bracelets that say “I only eat the brown ones.” We’re crazy obsessed, but we don’t care.)

The main thing this movie falsely taught me? “Oh sure, you become a wedding planner, a groom falls in love with you and leaves his fiancé, and you all live happily ever after.” LIES. I can’t even find a decent single groomsman. What’s up with that?! I probably should’ve gone into the business world. Men sitting around in cubicles all day long. It’s like a zoo of single men. Walk around, but don’t pet the ones with girlfriends. Stick to the ones with pictures of their dogs or something.

So that’s what I learned from The Wedding Planner. I learned that I love my job, but I completely missed out on a slew of single men. Here’s hoping my Dr. Steve comes to save me on a horse after a crazy woman sings The Streets of Laredo too loudly. Cross you’re fingers, ya’ll.

“I barely know you. I don’t know your dad’s first name, I don’t know if you ever wore braces, or contacts, or glasses and I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I do know the curves of your face. And I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. I know that the night at the park was the best time I’ve ever had.”