Lately I’ve been hearing those words too often: “You’re too picky.” I hate that. As a single girl who watches people get married for a living, I truly think that is the dumbest statement someone can ever make. Too picky? How can a girl be too picky about the man they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with? Then I read these two blogs below:
This man and this woman have got the right ideas going on. I don’t consider them picky at all. I consider them smart. I encourage every person to make THE list. What are the qualities you couldn’t bear to live without in your future husband/wife? Make the list. State what is most important. And finally, stick to your guns. This isn’t being picky. This is being the smart person God intended you to be.
My list? Well, here we go:
1. He must be a God-fearing man. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince my husband that God exists and is in control. While sometimes I struggle with God’s timing, I want to wait to be with someone that will not only recognize my struggles, but help me through them with the faith that I grew up on. And I expect to do the same for him. I have no expectations of perfection, but I want him to believe when he fails and falls, I’ll do my best to show him God’s love. Isn’t that what marriage is about?
2. He must be a grown-up. I refuse to raise a man. I can’t wait to raise my future children and raise a family, but I will not raise a man. I want someone with the maturity to settle down, but the little bit of immaturity to still dress up on Halloween and dance around the kitchen to horrible (by horrible I mean awesome) 90s music. I want a man that will do everything in his ability to take care of us. Not just me. US.
3. He’s flexible. I’m fully aware that this goes for me as well. Flexibility is extremely important in a marriage because you’re blending two lives. Not taking one life and making it into another. You’re blending. This means we have to pick our battles. For instance, I won’t change where I go to church. I’m extremely active there and we’re a small community, so those people are my family. I will, however, bend on what we name our children. Even though I planned out names in, like, fifth grade, I could bend. If it’s important to him, it’s important to me.
4. He has to be brave. Brave in his beliefs. Brave in his adventures. And brave in the ability to love. I hate hearing men say “I can’t love anymore. I’ve been too hurt. She crushed me.” You know what?! Girls get crushed, too! We have probably been through more breakups than any of those men, but we keep getting back on that horse and trying again. Be brave to love someone else. If it hurts, it hurts. If it doesn’t, you just found something wonderful. When you find something wonderful, you also find the ability to be brave.
5. He wants to work. This applies in two ways: Work for a living to support a family AND work to keep our love strong. A work ethic is extremely important to me because I believe God will bless those who work for His name’s sake. It’s in the Bible, so I believe it. But when the work day is done, it’s done. He has to be willing to work at our relationship. Make time to sit and watch a movie once in a while. Put the laptop away just to have a conversation. Leave the paperwork on the desk and go for a drive with me. I want to make time to be with him, so I want him to want to be with me. No girl ever wants to feel like a burden, and I sure don’t want to be married to someone who treats me like one. Work for a living and work for us. Simple.
6. He has to have fun. Not in the “Let’s go get some beers and do something stupid” way that many men seem to think. I want a man who can find fun in the little things. Get on the dance floor at a wedding reception and dance with a child. Try something impossible, like catching that insanely huge grass carp I’ve been eyeing for two years now… Fun is like beauty: It’s in the eye of the beholder. Find fun everywhere.
Notice my list is half the size of the other blogs. This is why I can’t stand when people tell me I’m too picky. I have standards that I believe are important, but there are so many things I am willing to work on with my future husband. I want to grow with him in every aspect. Yes, I do want to find a man with these aspects that I’m attracted to, but I completely believe these characteristics will make him attractive to me. I hope he’s out there. I’d like to believe he’s out there. But wherever he is, he should know right now that I won’t lower my standards.